Posted by: survivinginpink on: November 9, 2009
I found a lump in my breast. It’s been there for some time, but I’ve refused to admit it. I told my husband I found it last week. I was a bit more honest with my GP, I told him it’s been there for a couple of weeks. In reality I’ve had a bit of pain on and off for over a month.
So now is crunch time. I have an appointment for a mammogram and ultrasound today. I’m pretty much resigned to the fact that it won’t be good news though. With my family history I doubt it can be anything else.
I’ve managed to avoid the C-word until now. That makes it all seem so final and real, doesn’t it? If I don’t say it, I’ll be ok. And it will all go away and things will go back to the way they were.
My mum died from breast cancer when she was about 40 and I was 5. My adopted mum – her sister – survived breast cancer when I was 17. My uncle died a few years ago from breast cancer. I’d say that falls firmly into the “strong family history” category, wouldn’t you? I’ve never felt the need to be tested for the BRCA gene. I’ve always just worked on the assumption that I was positive.
It’s funny, but I’ve been prepared for this moment for a very long time. Since I found out that there was a genetic component of breast cancer, probably 20 years ago, I’ve been convinced that I was going to get it. So now that the inevitable has happened I find I’m much more relaxed and comfortable about the whole situation than I thought I’d be. I’ve already worked out a series of treatment plans based on current best practice and depending on my actual diagnosis, and I’ve even planned the music at my funeral! Kind of macabre, but it means that I don’t have to make potentially life-altering decisions at a stressful time, and I can relax and go with the flow.
So mammogram is 2pm today, and I’ll update with the results as soon as I know anything. Back later…
